Desiring Spiritual Power
For over a year I have been struggling with the debate over a topic of belief in Christian circles about the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. I have heard many convincing arguments as to the existence of such, but never could find their scripture references or personal testimonies to substantiate anything beyond a forceful production or fabrication of what they desired. Even after much discussion with others who at one time were disbelieving in a post-salvation second baptism but after their own personal experience had changed their beliefs, I still could not come to terms with what they saw in Scripture that gave reference to such an event.
I saw and heard so many speak passionately about the power associated with this second baptism, and I did desire to see something different in my own life. What I didn’t realize until mid-February 2010 was that my own pride and the disobedience of my own mind was keeping me from seeing and understanding what I now believe is a very real and very powerful gift from God. I have not yet received this “second baptism,” but my first steps are following the Biblical instructions to “covet the gifts of the Spirit,” and to earnestly desire the power associated with this baptism.
I first felt the desire at work last week. I was having a discussion about Scripture and God’s work in my life with a fellow co-worker, nothing out of the ordinary as we had made this a commonplace topic of conversation, when my boss walked up and begin talking with us about his views. Although he was a professed Christian, I felt many of his viewpoints were very disturbing and a result of an abundant “knowledge” base of worldly things. Too much of the mind and of this world will leave little room for faith. Yet he was sure that he no longer had doubts, although he would make statements similar to “I don’t believe you can take everything in the Bible for what it says.” But what really disturbed me was his lack of belief in Satan, or that God would create a place like Hell for all those that don’t believe in Him. His opinion of such an idea was that if it were true, God is nothing more than a “puppet-master.” I felt the nerves and tension beginning to grow slightly, although it was remaining a very civil conversation. I have never been much to debate or confront a differing view, so I was beginning to be a little intimidated. But I remembered God’s Word in my heart, the same Scriptures I had been receiving from him through my time in study over the past weeks, and even the past couple of days. I felt an empowerment. Not overwhelming, but enough to not back down from my views. I felt a strength to keep talking, even though I know he was disagreeing with me. In the end, I stated my beliefs, based on the truth of God’s Word, and we called it a truce. Even though nothing was really accomplished in the aspect of winning him over or answering his questions, a great victory had been won within me in my relationship with God. I felt His presence in that moment like never before.
After that, I went home and begin reading a chapter on the baptism of the Holy Spirit which I had been putting off doing for over a week. As I read the Scriptures supporting the belief, the light bulb went off and I felt God revealing answers to me that I have been searching for many months to find. I now had the revelation to build my faith, and I now understood what He has been trying to teach me. I want to be confident, unshakeable, in my beliefs, and be able to speak boldly wherever I go as a testimony to His glory, power and grace. I want to win as many as I can to Him, but I know that I never could reach my full potential until I had all of Him inside me. I needed to be baptized into the Spirit. I needed His power. And now my passion for Him is greater than it has ever been. I only pray those things remaining in me that are keeping me from experiencing His power will be revealed to me soon so that I can rid myself of them, allowing Him to fill me with all of Him.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Missing the Point
It was June of 1997, and I sat alone atop a ridge in the North Carolina mountains on a humid summer evening. The moon was full; its light kissing the tops of trees and buildings that snaked along the valley below me. It was the moment I found God. Contrary to the common experiences others describe, this was not a life-changing moment for me. I was raised in a loving Christian home, and had attended church religiously (no pun intended) since I could remember. I was baptized in front of the church when I was 7, attended Ra’s (Royal ambassadors) and Vacation Bible School every year. However, in this moment when God chose to reveal himself to me was when I realized that simply believing in Him was not enough to ensure my place in the Book of Life, and spend eternity with Him in heaven. It required more than that. He simply wanted to have a relationship with me. He wanted me to know Him intimately, where He would live inside my heart and become Lord of my life. When I accepted the call this time, it was a personal choice, not one made out of commitment to the traditions of the model Christian family.
It would be more than 12 years before I realized how greatly I had missed the point in those months and years following my commitment to Jesus Christ. In January of 2010, I started my first fast. Although the church Jessica and I attended was celebrating the start of the new year with 21 days of prayer and fasting, I decided my first time would last only a week. God was not concerned about the length of time, He was only concerned about the obedience to making the commitment. Obedience. I had already decided that would become my “word of the year” for 2010. I knew that if I ever wanted to take my relationship with God to the next level, I would have to learn to obey. That week of praying and fasting was the best week I have had in many years, and as my hunger for food grew each day, it was replaced by my hunger for God. Two days after it was over, God revealed to me what I had been missing all these years. I recently read a parable that I believe sums up my experience, and the eventual revelation from God quite nicely:
I had accepted Christ in those North Carolina mountains so many years before, but in that moment I had simply crossed the starting line and begun to celebrate being a race runner. I was selfish and a little conceited, considering myself among the fortunate who had made a decision to follow Christ. My mistake was thinking that merely starting a race was all that Christ wanted from me. My mistake was being so thankful for having started the race, that I was now living in hope of Jesus returning, or my own death which would take me home to live with him. I forgot, or should I say ignored, God’s calling on my life while I was still here on earth. For the 12 years after making my decision, I lived a life contradictory to what I professed, and it was because of my lack of obedience to taking up my cross and following Jesus.
God’s revelation to me following my fast was that while we are living in the body here on earth, we have a great work to do for Him, through Him. I no longer concern myself with the desires of the flesh; producing great wealth, acquiring great things, or meaningless and wasteful pursuits. My passion is now focused on living a life of service dedicated to Him. What He has for me, I do not yet know. I do know that He has only good things prepared for me, and that through my obedience, many lives will be saved by the gospel of Jesus Christ. And that is a wonderful feeling…
It would be more than 12 years before I realized how greatly I had missed the point in those months and years following my commitment to Jesus Christ. In January of 2010, I started my first fast. Although the church Jessica and I attended was celebrating the start of the new year with 21 days of prayer and fasting, I decided my first time would last only a week. God was not concerned about the length of time, He was only concerned about the obedience to making the commitment. Obedience. I had already decided that would become my “word of the year” for 2010. I knew that if I ever wanted to take my relationship with God to the next level, I would have to learn to obey. That week of praying and fasting was the best week I have had in many years, and as my hunger for food grew each day, it was replaced by my hunger for God. Two days after it was over, God revealed to me what I had been missing all these years. I recently read a parable that I believe sums up my experience, and the eventual revelation from God quite nicely:
Once upon a time in a land of boredom and drudgery, exciting news spread: “There is going to be a race! And all who run in this race will grow strong and they’ll never be bored again!” Exciting news like this had not been heard for many a year, for people experienced little adventure in this ho-hum land, beyond attending committee meetings, waiting in lines, sorting socks, and watching sitcom reruns.
Excitement grew as the day of the race drew near. Thousands gathered in the appointed town, at the appointed place. Most came to observe, skeptical about the news. “It’s too good to be true,” they said. “It’s just a silly rumor started by some teenaged troublemakers. But let’s stick around and see what happens anyway.”
Others could not resist the invitation, arriving in their running shorts and shoes. As they waited for the appointed time, they stretched and jogged in place and chattered among themselves with nervous excitement. At the appointed time they gathered at the starting line, heard the gun go off, and knew that it was time to run.
Then something very curious happened. The runners took a step or two or three across the starting line, and then abruptly stopped. One man fell to his knees, crying, “I have crossed the starting line! This is the happiest day of my life!” He repeated this again and again, and even began singing a song about how happy this day was for him.
Another woman started jumping for joy. “Yes!” she shouted, raising her first in the air. “I am a race-runner! I am finally a race-runner!” She ran around jumping and dancing, getting and giving high fives to others who shared her joy at being in the race.
Several people formed a circle and prayed, quietly thanking God for the privilege of crossing the starting line, and thanking God that they were not like the skeptics who didn’t come dressed for the race.
An hour passed, and two. Spectators began muttering; some laughed. “So what do they think this race is?” they said. “Two or three strides, then a celebration? And why do they feel superior to us? They’re treating the starting line as it were the finish line. They’ve completely missed the point.”
A few more minutes of this silliness passed. “You know,” a spectator said to the person next to her, “if they’re not going to run the race, maybe we should.”
“Why not? It’s getting boring watching them hang around just beyond the starting line. I’ve had enough boredom for one life.”
Others heard them, and soon many were kicking off their dress shoes, slipping out of their jackets, throwing all this unneeded clothing on the grass. And they ran--past the praying huddles and past the crying individuals and past the jumping high-fivers. And they found hope and joy in every step, and they grew stronger with every mile and hill. To their surprise, the path never ended--because in this race, there was no finish line. So they were never bored again.
Excitement grew as the day of the race drew near. Thousands gathered in the appointed town, at the appointed place. Most came to observe, skeptical about the news. “It’s too good to be true,” they said. “It’s just a silly rumor started by some teenaged troublemakers. But let’s stick around and see what happens anyway.”
Others could not resist the invitation, arriving in their running shorts and shoes. As they waited for the appointed time, they stretched and jogged in place and chattered among themselves with nervous excitement. At the appointed time they gathered at the starting line, heard the gun go off, and knew that it was time to run.
Then something very curious happened. The runners took a step or two or three across the starting line, and then abruptly stopped. One man fell to his knees, crying, “I have crossed the starting line! This is the happiest day of my life!” He repeated this again and again, and even began singing a song about how happy this day was for him.
Another woman started jumping for joy. “Yes!” she shouted, raising her first in the air. “I am a race-runner! I am finally a race-runner!” She ran around jumping and dancing, getting and giving high fives to others who shared her joy at being in the race.
Several people formed a circle and prayed, quietly thanking God for the privilege of crossing the starting line, and thanking God that they were not like the skeptics who didn’t come dressed for the race.
An hour passed, and two. Spectators began muttering; some laughed. “So what do they think this race is?” they said. “Two or three strides, then a celebration? And why do they feel superior to us? They’re treating the starting line as it were the finish line. They’ve completely missed the point.”
A few more minutes of this silliness passed. “You know,” a spectator said to the person next to her, “if they’re not going to run the race, maybe we should.”
“Why not? It’s getting boring watching them hang around just beyond the starting line. I’ve had enough boredom for one life.”
Others heard them, and soon many were kicking off their dress shoes, slipping out of their jackets, throwing all this unneeded clothing on the grass. And they ran--past the praying huddles and past the crying individuals and past the jumping high-fivers. And they found hope and joy in every step, and they grew stronger with every mile and hill. To their surprise, the path never ended--because in this race, there was no finish line. So they were never bored again.
I had accepted Christ in those North Carolina mountains so many years before, but in that moment I had simply crossed the starting line and begun to celebrate being a race runner. I was selfish and a little conceited, considering myself among the fortunate who had made a decision to follow Christ. My mistake was thinking that merely starting a race was all that Christ wanted from me. My mistake was being so thankful for having started the race, that I was now living in hope of Jesus returning, or my own death which would take me home to live with him. I forgot, or should I say ignored, God’s calling on my life while I was still here on earth. For the 12 years after making my decision, I lived a life contradictory to what I professed, and it was because of my lack of obedience to taking up my cross and following Jesus.
God’s revelation to me following my fast was that while we are living in the body here on earth, we have a great work to do for Him, through Him. I no longer concern myself with the desires of the flesh; producing great wealth, acquiring great things, or meaningless and wasteful pursuits. My passion is now focused on living a life of service dedicated to Him. What He has for me, I do not yet know. I do know that He has only good things prepared for me, and that through my obedience, many lives will be saved by the gospel of Jesus Christ. And that is a wonderful feeling…
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Heeding The Call
I have never been very dedicated in maintaining an up-to-date journal, and I am even worse at remembering to get online and update a blog. Looking back, I imagine this has to do with my belief that I have nothing very noteworthy to say, especially pouring out empty thoughts onto a page in an attempt to free my mind of a little insanity. This blog, however, is different than my previous attempts. While I make no promises that it will remain updated and tidy as it does here in the beginning, my purpose for wanting to record my thoughts and feelings has changed.
The year 2009 was especially difficult for most of the world; from a global economic crisis, to deaths of many well-known and beloved faces, it was a year many were glad to see disappear into the record books. For me, it wasn’t as traumatic as others, but it still brought its fair share of challenges, mistakes, and uphill battles. In august of 2009, I lost my full-time job and shortly after decided not to pursue further involvement in my real estate career. This left me with many questions needing answering, and many problems to try and solve. After just a few short weeks looking for jobs and trying to determine what course my life should take next, I felt a soft whisper from God telling me that He was preparing something big in my life. That was very exciting news. However, it came with a price; one that I would begin to understand over the next many months. God wanted to take me out into the desert for a little alone time, because when it was time for His deliverance, He wanted me to be well-trained and ready to handle what He had planned for me. This “desert” was to be a period of trust and dependency on His provision and guidance. I had very few hours at my part-time job, and we struggled to pay bills each month. Added to that, I continued to feel as if I was suppose to be learning something else during this time, not just reliance upon Him. I would find that answer nearly 4 months later.
The beginning of 2010 brought upon the world a new beginning; a chance to start over. For me, it was a chance to start a new commitment to God using my “word of the year.” My choice word was obedience. I knew that if I was to ever rid myself of the hindrances in my life which were preventing me from really hearing God, I would need to learn to obey. There were also many areas in my life where I was not fully satisfied, areas where I was still struggling with sins and old habits which had long since worn out their welcome. For years I had wanted to be a certain type of man, husband and friend, but I continued to resist time and again as God called me to leave behind my old self. Luckily for me, and for all of mankind, He is a very patient and endearing God. He was waiting on me to come to Him when I would make the choice for myself to leave those sins and old habits behind. He was waiting for me to simply obey.
When January began, I chose to take part in my first fast. Jessica and I were about to leave to go to Disney World to celebrate her birthday and our anniversary, and I knew there was no way I could be faithful to a fasting of any kind of food while on vacation. However, I determined the day I returned that I would deny myself pleasures of the flesh for one week: food, tv, video games, and soft drinks. It was a difficult week, but I also made a commitment to begin a Bible reading plan which focused on intense reading of ten chapters a day. Since I was no longer concerned with eating, drinking, or wasting away my time in front of meaningless pursuits, I found myself easily committed to my task of seeking God. Within a short time, I realized how much more I could feel His presence and hear His voice. He began to teach me through His Word, and I drank in every verse. My cravings begin to change from food to the Word of God. This time would prove to be the defining moment in my life. I realized how easy it was to be obedient, and I wanted even more.
I heard a voice calling my name in the streets. I heard a voice rebuking my former ways, pleading with me to heed its warning. I heard a voice saying, “How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?” I had heard this voice before but ignored her cries. This familiar voice, and the soft whisper which had spoken to me months before, were one in the same. It was the voice of Wisdom. It was the voice of God. I heeded the call, and my life has been changed forever…
The year 2009 was especially difficult for most of the world; from a global economic crisis, to deaths of many well-known and beloved faces, it was a year many were glad to see disappear into the record books. For me, it wasn’t as traumatic as others, but it still brought its fair share of challenges, mistakes, and uphill battles. In august of 2009, I lost my full-time job and shortly after decided not to pursue further involvement in my real estate career. This left me with many questions needing answering, and many problems to try and solve. After just a few short weeks looking for jobs and trying to determine what course my life should take next, I felt a soft whisper from God telling me that He was preparing something big in my life. That was very exciting news. However, it came with a price; one that I would begin to understand over the next many months. God wanted to take me out into the desert for a little alone time, because when it was time for His deliverance, He wanted me to be well-trained and ready to handle what He had planned for me. This “desert” was to be a period of trust and dependency on His provision and guidance. I had very few hours at my part-time job, and we struggled to pay bills each month. Added to that, I continued to feel as if I was suppose to be learning something else during this time, not just reliance upon Him. I would find that answer nearly 4 months later.
The beginning of 2010 brought upon the world a new beginning; a chance to start over. For me, it was a chance to start a new commitment to God using my “word of the year.” My choice word was obedience. I knew that if I was to ever rid myself of the hindrances in my life which were preventing me from really hearing God, I would need to learn to obey. There were also many areas in my life where I was not fully satisfied, areas where I was still struggling with sins and old habits which had long since worn out their welcome. For years I had wanted to be a certain type of man, husband and friend, but I continued to resist time and again as God called me to leave behind my old self. Luckily for me, and for all of mankind, He is a very patient and endearing God. He was waiting on me to come to Him when I would make the choice for myself to leave those sins and old habits behind. He was waiting for me to simply obey.
When January began, I chose to take part in my first fast. Jessica and I were about to leave to go to Disney World to celebrate her birthday and our anniversary, and I knew there was no way I could be faithful to a fasting of any kind of food while on vacation. However, I determined the day I returned that I would deny myself pleasures of the flesh for one week: food, tv, video games, and soft drinks. It was a difficult week, but I also made a commitment to begin a Bible reading plan which focused on intense reading of ten chapters a day. Since I was no longer concerned with eating, drinking, or wasting away my time in front of meaningless pursuits, I found myself easily committed to my task of seeking God. Within a short time, I realized how much more I could feel His presence and hear His voice. He began to teach me through His Word, and I drank in every verse. My cravings begin to change from food to the Word of God. This time would prove to be the defining moment in my life. I realized how easy it was to be obedient, and I wanted even more.
I heard a voice calling my name in the streets. I heard a voice rebuking my former ways, pleading with me to heed its warning. I heard a voice saying, “How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?” I had heard this voice before but ignored her cries. This familiar voice, and the soft whisper which had spoken to me months before, were one in the same. It was the voice of Wisdom. It was the voice of God. I heeded the call, and my life has been changed forever…
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