I have never been very dedicated in maintaining an up-to-date journal, and I am even worse at remembering to get online and update a blog. Looking back, I imagine this has to do with my belief that I have nothing very noteworthy to say, especially pouring out empty thoughts onto a page in an attempt to free my mind of a little insanity. This blog, however, is different than my previous attempts. While I make no promises that it will remain updated and tidy as it does here in the beginning, my purpose for wanting to record my thoughts and feelings has changed.
The year 2009 was especially difficult for most of the world; from a global economic crisis, to deaths of many well-known and beloved faces, it was a year many were glad to see disappear into the record books. For me, it wasn’t as traumatic as others, but it still brought its fair share of challenges, mistakes, and uphill battles. In august of 2009, I lost my full-time job and shortly after decided not to pursue further involvement in my real estate career. This left me with many questions needing answering, and many problems to try and solve. After just a few short weeks looking for jobs and trying to determine what course my life should take next, I felt a soft whisper from God telling me that He was preparing something big in my life. That was very exciting news. However, it came with a price; one that I would begin to understand over the next many months. God wanted to take me out into the desert for a little alone time, because when it was time for His deliverance, He wanted me to be well-trained and ready to handle what He had planned for me. This “desert” was to be a period of trust and dependency on His provision and guidance. I had very few hours at my part-time job, and we struggled to pay bills each month. Added to that, I continued to feel as if I was suppose to be learning something else during this time, not just reliance upon Him. I would find that answer nearly 4 months later.
The beginning of 2010 brought upon the world a new beginning; a chance to start over. For me, it was a chance to start a new commitment to God using my “word of the year.” My choice word was obedience. I knew that if I was to ever rid myself of the hindrances in my life which were preventing me from really hearing God, I would need to learn to obey. There were also many areas in my life where I was not fully satisfied, areas where I was still struggling with sins and old habits which had long since worn out their welcome. For years I had wanted to be a certain type of man, husband and friend, but I continued to resist time and again as God called me to leave behind my old self. Luckily for me, and for all of mankind, He is a very patient and endearing God. He was waiting on me to come to Him when I would make the choice for myself to leave those sins and old habits behind. He was waiting for me to simply obey.
When January began, I chose to take part in my first fast. Jessica and I were about to leave to go to Disney World to celebrate her birthday and our anniversary, and I knew there was no way I could be faithful to a fasting of any kind of food while on vacation. However, I determined the day I returned that I would deny myself pleasures of the flesh for one week: food, tv, video games, and soft drinks. It was a difficult week, but I also made a commitment to begin a Bible reading plan which focused on intense reading of ten chapters a day. Since I was no longer concerned with eating, drinking, or wasting away my time in front of meaningless pursuits, I found myself easily committed to my task of seeking God. Within a short time, I realized how much more I could feel His presence and hear His voice. He began to teach me through His Word, and I drank in every verse. My cravings begin to change from food to the Word of God. This time would prove to be the defining moment in my life. I realized how easy it was to be obedient, and I wanted even more.
I heard a voice calling my name in the streets. I heard a voice rebuking my former ways, pleading with me to heed its warning. I heard a voice saying, “How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?” I had heard this voice before but ignored her cries. This familiar voice, and the soft whisper which had spoken to me months before, were one in the same. It was the voice of Wisdom. It was the voice of God. I heeded the call, and my life has been changed forever…
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